So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
