she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
he fucked my hip out of place.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
