but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
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