Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
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