also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Randomize
