We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
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Are my feet made of real feet?
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
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So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
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