Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Randomize
