Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
