I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
