I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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