I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
and you fell through a lawn chair
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Randomize
