At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
