I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
