If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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