Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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