If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
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