he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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