he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
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