Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
