In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Randomize
