Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
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