Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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