I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Randomize
