Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
