Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
