Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Randomize
