I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
