No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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