just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
