theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
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i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
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Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
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