if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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