Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
