Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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