That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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