sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Everclear isn't food dammit
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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