Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
