Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
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