nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
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