turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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