i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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