Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
