Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
