this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
