Sponge bath it is.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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