make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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