im having a threesome with these popsicles
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
