If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
