You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
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