just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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