Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize