why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
