This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
