Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
