i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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