I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
