can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Randomize
