why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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