Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
