Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
