It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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