she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
