ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Randomize