im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
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