i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
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