should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Randomize
