fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
