Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Randomize
