I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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