coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
