I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
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No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
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does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
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