It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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