i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
You don't make any sense
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