We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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