sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
